Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Merry Christmas Week!

I am starting to think that blogging about the Christmas Pageant last week really took it out of me since I haven't actually been able to sit down and write about anything that has happened since then. And it's not that nothing has been going on either. Though it doesn't feel quite like the holidays I suppose I can blame that on the 60 degree rainy dreary awful weather that Atlanta is experiencing right now. I know that Christmas is coming because I have been wrapping gifts (exquisitely) and actively avoiding any place that is within a five mile radius of any mall in Buckhead (this is actually much harder to do than one would think normal). My parents live in an area of Atlanta where I could be at Lenox/Phipps mall in about 3 miles or at Perimeter Mall in about 4 miles. This does not make for the best holiday traffic. Atlanta finds it helpful to turn off all the traffic lights on main roads like Roswell and Peachtree and replace them with humans. Humans in the form of City of Atlanta Police Officers. The DOT clearly does not understand the concept of "human error", especially with Atlanta cops (please call to mind my ticketing incident back in September). SO, in summary, if you feel like going anywhere in Atlanta, inside the perimeter, at any time of day, I would urge you to think about just how badly you want to go there or just how badly you NEED to go there. It might not be worth it.

Deaner got into Atlanta on Sunday evening for the Christmas holidays. Evans was so excited to see him and has had no problem at all adjusting to Daddy being here. We have done a couple of things together including taking Evans to the aquarium yesterday. Evans has always loved the aquarium but I have to say that it might have lost it's magic for him this time. For some reason the child was way more interested in crawling around on the floor than looking at the fish. You won't be able to tell by the pictures but it just didn't hold his attention like it used to.My favorite pictures from the day are below. Evans looked at this gigantic ugly fish and said "HI" while waving at it. The fish did not return his enthusiasm.I am pretty sure it could have eaten Evans for breakfast. Of course there are no pictures of me because if it weren't for me, there would be no pictures AT ALL. I guess that is the way it goes being the Mom. Santa Claus was scuba diving in the tank while were watching the whale sharks, which was cool, but I think perhaps E will understand all of this a bit more next year.I believe we are going to take Evans to see Santa Claus on Christmas Eve and that ought to be interesting. I got nervous last year waiting until the last second but it wasn't crowded on Christmas Eve and we got right in. Something tells me that Evans will not be as happy to see him this year but it should make for a good story and picture! I hope that everyone is having a very merry Christmas week and that y'all are eating as much junk as I am. Seriously, stop bringing the toffee to my parent's house. I have very little will power at 10:00pm!! Happy Wednesday!

Monday, December 12, 2011

Coffee Drama 2011 Explained

So if y'all read the last pageant post, you know what I am referring to by the great coffee drama of 2011. I finally got an email back from Evans' teacher this weekend explaining the costume disaster of the much anticipated Christmas pageant. Apparently there were a ton of volunteers in and out of the Fellowship Hall while the stage for the pageant was being built (I can't understand exactly what needed to be "built") and a bunch of mother's helping keep the kids occupied while they were in the "holding area". Someone obviously left their coffee cup in a corner on the floor and thankfully, my son found it for them. The coffee was old and cold so Evans was fine. His costume didn't fair as well but really, what can I do? I mean, I've accidentally let Evans climb the stairs like 7 times today. I know how fast he can get away. It's just unfortunate that it was a WHITE angel that found the coffee. His teacher told me that she would be bringing the incident up in their year end meeting but I assured her that it was not necessary. What are they going to do? Finger print the cup and/or interrogate church volunteers? I think that I'm just going to have to let it go. I am going to choose to believe that none of the other mothers noticed that my child's costume was on backwards. Oh yeah, I can get his clothes back when school starts again. I wonder if they will have been washed?

We had a pretty uneventful weekend. The highlight for Evans was getting to have breakfast on Sunday morning at Waffle House. No where else does he get to eat sausage AND bacon in the same meal. As his entire meal. With a quarter or two of waffle. He didn't eat again until dinner. I wish everyone could have seen his face when the waitress put this plate of bacon down in front of him.We left wearing grease all over the Ole Miss sweatshirt (no big deal, Ole Miss sucks anyways) and smelling like grease. Evans took a three hour nap after his pig fest. To think that I considered giving him a hotdog for dinner is embarrassing. All and all it was a quiet weekend but we enjoyed ourselves. This week I need to focus on finishing my Christmas shopping and getting my gifts wrapped. Does anyone remember my wrapping paper obsession? I'm already stressing out how they will look this year. I picked out my paper last year after Christmas when it went on sale and now I'm second guessing myself. I guess there are worse things in life! Happy Monday!

Friday, December 9, 2011

Christmas Pageant Drama

Does anything around here ever just go smoothly? Like according to plan without any hitches? I don't think I really have to answer that question. So why should the Christmas pageant be any different? The early early morning came shortly after the late late night of hosting a Christmas Party with my Mom and sister for 100 of our closest friends. I probably should have reconsidered the 8:30am check up at the pediatricians office when I was already committed to having Evans at school for the pageant at 9:30am. Somehow Evans was measured, weighed, poked, prodded and given two shots in the leg AND we made it to school by 9:40am. When I dropped Evans off in his classroom I offered to go ahead and get him into his costume since I found both teachers on the floor wrestling with 1.5 year olds attempting to get them into the angel costumes. Plus, I knew just how "snug" Evans costume was to get onto his body. Surprisingly Evans was cool, calm and collected and he didn't even whimper (a vast improvement). There was a little boy who was screaming so loud that I'm pretty sure it scared Evans into silence. He was happy and didn't even notice when I left.

I'm not sure if I really stressed how great Evans' costume was. My sister worked on it for a week after it took my mom and I an equal amount of time to pick out the pattern at the fabric store. I spent something ridiculous like $32 on the materials when I thought it might cost like $7 or something. Aunt Mimi took measurements with a string and made us have TWO costume fittings. It was very comical. The final product was worth the wait and I was so excited to see Evans in his costume. I was SHOCKED to see Evans come out onto the altar and actually sit on the front step and shake his jingle bell in time with the music. He didn't cry, he didn't try and crawl away and he did what was expected of him. Amazing. When the performance was almost over I came down from the balcony to take a few pictures up close.I know that these pictures aren't the greatest but at least they prove that he is not crying, he is sitting and he is enjoying his jingle bell. Then I started to notice that something was a bit off. I was a little annoyed that his costume was hiked up over his pants because it was a long gown and should have covered him easily. Then I saw that the two blue ribbons that closed the outfit in the back were somehow now in in the front. What? I got Evans dressed. I certainly did not put his costume on backwards and I know he didn't do it himself. How could this have possibly happened? When I collected Evans from the altar I asked his teacher why his costume was on backwards. I was not prepared for her to answer that somehow Evans spilled COFFEE all over the front of the costume before the pageant started. I might as well say upfront that I still do not know the whole story and that I'm waiting on an email explanation from his teacher. I mean, was he just enjoying a midmorning cup of coffee? Was it hot when it poured over his entire front? I know this school is sophisticated but I don't even drink coffee and I'm the mom. So here is what the front looked like after the incident.I wondered how his white turtleneck was left unstained when I could see the stains on his khaki AND on his socks. It wasn't until I was getting him ready to take a nap this afternoon that I realized the turtleneck he was wearing wasn't his. Huh. My email to the teacher also included questions like 1. whose shirt is this? 2. Where should it be returned? 3. Where is my child's shirt? I'm just wondering after all!

So E's beautiful angel costume with the hand sewn sequins now smells like a starbucks. Oh well. You win some you lose some right? He was still the cutest angel on the altar.The whole program was so cute and it was awesome to watch these little kids having so much fun. Old Dad came to watch Evans and E jumped right into his arms.It was definitely the highlight of my week. I'll have more updates regarding the Coffee Incident 2011 when I hear back from his teacher. I do expect some sort of explanation since I do still need to know where his clothes are. Pictures from our Christmas party on Monday......Happy weekend!

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Never Lose Sight

Of your child that is! Yesterday I think Evans really had it out for me. If I had to hear this train/bus/whatever it is blare it's music one more time, I was probably going to die. Why do toy manufacturers make them SO loud? And of course, Evans LOVES it. He dances, he sings and generally looks to die for cute so it is hard to take it away. Anyways. Yesterday afternoon we were at my Aunt's house watching the twins and Evans was sitting with the train (I really think it is a train even though I refer to it as a bus most of the time) in front of the TV in the kitchen. I have a major pet peeve of the television being too loud so the combination of both was really making me rethink wearing ear plugs. Evans was happy and I was playing with Molly on the couch. After a couple of minutes I realized that it was very quiet in the house. I don't follow Evans everywhere he goes because he normally stays between the kitchen and the den, where all the toys are. I started calling his name and instead of hearing rustling around like I normally do, there was silence. I got up to walk into the den, all while calling his name, but it was very clear he wasn't in the den either. I called his name much louder this time I heard the thuds of rapid crawling above my head. I ran to the bottom of the stairs and there was that train about 3/4ths of the way up the stairs while Evans rounded the corner from the top to grin down at me at the bottom of the stairs. I was stunned. I knew he could go up stairs but he doesn't normally pay too much attention to them so I don't ever block them. And this was a staircase of probably 15 stairs at least. AND I can see the staircase from where I was sitting on the couch and I STILL didn't see him go by. This could be a problem. My solution?Brilliant right? Well here was Evans' response as soon as I walked back into the kitchen.I think I am going to have to be a little bit more creative. I wedged this chair and stool in much tighter this morning and he still shimmied underneath the chair. I should probably come up with a better approach before I go wake him up from his nap in a little bit.

So tomorrow is the big day with the Christmas Pageant! It also happens to be Evans' 15 month checkup BEFORE school so I will be up at the crack of dawn. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that my mom, sister and I are hosting a Christmas open house this evening for all our girlfriends. It promises to be a fun night with plenty of good stories to tell tomorrow! Happy Thursday!

Tuesday, December 6, 2011


I don't really have anything good to report today. It's sort of been a boring day. It's rainy and hot and humid. Go figure Atlanta. This morning upon turning into the school parking lot Evans was aware that something was afoot. He was so happy when we left the house but by the time we parked, he knew. He was going back to school. Sobbing crying at drop off. I'm sort of getting used to it. I was so anxious to hear how he did when I picked him up. But I can't tell you how his day went because when the teacher put him in the car and I asked how he did she replied, "Oh, I work in pre-k so I don't know". Hmmmm. Thanks, I'll just ask my 15 month old. There were no signs of crying, no runny nose and no red eyes. As you can see in this picture, our Christmas tree it up. My parents Christmas tree is dripping in ornaments. We even have a special tree in the other room with the expensive ornaments. All seems to be a recipe for disaster to me. For some reason Evans has really not shown any interest in the tree. Maybe he is scared of it, maybe not, as long as he doesn't bat the ornaments or knock it down, I don't care. I'm planning on taking many more pictures with him in front of this tree. It is hard to think that at this time last year, we would have a big fire in the fireplace and Evans would lie on a pallet in front of it, just staring. I cannot believe how big he is this year. Makes me wonder how it will be next Christmas.

Monday, December 5, 2011

Getting Ready For Our Pageant

Well, I cannot disclose a picture of the super awesome Angel costume that Aunt Mimi made for Evans for his Christmas pageant on Friday but we had the "final fitting" on Saturday during the Georgia game and this is what we were wearing for the game. Evans was pretty excited for the game and it was his first big disappointment of being a Dawg fan. I had to explain to him that it would probably be just the first of many if he is going to root for the Dawgs, the Rebels and/or the Hoos. He needed to learn this lesson early with that repertoire of teams to pull for. And the Dawgs are the best bet! Anyways, Aunt Mimi made us try on the angel costume and it is going to be great. It might be a little difficult to get on due to Mama not picking a very stretchy fabric but as long as you smash him in, it fits fine once on the body. I might have to stay on Friday morning and help him get into it and I suppose we can always cut him out if we have to. I really fell down on the job of angel wings and just bought some cheesy ones at the store and I'm not sure I will ever forgive myself but I have to get over it. I can't wait to see the performance and hope that at the very least, Evans will stay on the altar. On Friday Evans brought home a memo from school with a couple of tips for parents to keep in mind for the pageant. I feel like several of them are too good to not pass along.....

--All costumes must be received at school no later than Tuesday, December 6th. This is because they are having a full dress rehearsal on the 6th AND ON THE 7th. Really? Two full dress rehearsals? Do the teachers hate themselves?

--Costumes should be comfortable for your child to walk in (first problem), rather than fancy and dangerous. Again, really? Anyone who knows me knows that Evans costume will be fancy but even I draw the line at dangerous. I really can't help them with the walking issue.

--(picture this is bold writing) Please, do not use any cotton balls as part of your child's costume. Someone will have to enlighten me on this one.

--Cameras, camcorders, etc are allowed. Are there really schools that don't allow cameras at their pageants?

--Please bring a try of "goodies" to share after the performance. I call not bringing fruit!

--As in years past, we would like to give a token of our appreciation to our two custodians. If you can, please send a small cash donation in an envelope with your child so we can buy them each a necklace from Tiffany. Ha ha! Just kidding! (I will be doing this happily so no one get mad).

After this list, is there anyone that is NOT excited for Evans' pageant on Friday? I didn't think so. Even Evans was very excited when I told him about it this weekend. He celebrated by eating ALL his bacon and NONE of his eggs.We are trying to get into the holiday spirit by wearing Christmas pajamas every night. Tomorrow is a school day and I'll be sure to give an update. We have a fancy new Christmas longall that Evans is hot to ruin. Off to bed, I must mentally prepare for tomorrow.

Friday, December 2, 2011

You Win Some, You Lose Some

This morning I was pretty sure that we would be losing again. While looking very cute for school I think that Evans is starting to learn that if I wake him up in the morning and then get him dressed immediately that he has a reason to be suspicious. We loaded up and went on our way. I have to mention something off topic here but Evans doesn't really like to ride in the car anymore unless he is holding this turquoise matchbox truck. I don't know what it is about the truck but he is obsessed. It used to be the green Percy tank engine but he snubs Percy now for the turquoise truck. Evans held onto the truck all the way to school and when we got there and I pulled into a parking space I looked back at him. I watched his face as it rapidly dawned on him that we were back at school. His eyes narrowed, he glared at me, slung that truck on the floor and started bawling. Loud rage crying only this time with big fat tears rolling down his face. Gosh, I felt so bad but we trekked on in. Evans' teacher is great and I let her know that if he had another bad day like Tuesday that I could come pick him up at anytime because maybe it was too much for him. And then I left my wailing child in the arms of someone else while he was reaching out to come with me. Pain. Then I got over it because I realized I would probably get a call in an hour to come get him. My phone was silent all morning and I was the first person in the carpool line at 1:30 to fetch him. When the teacher brought him out she paused on the steps and pointed to me in the car saying "there's Mama" and Evans gave me a little nonchalant wave like he was thinking "oh, YOU AGAIN"? There was no emergency binky clipped to his outfit and no puffy red eyes. They told me that Evans had a GREAT day and he didn't cry at all! VICTORY! I was so happy. I wish he could talk and tell me everything he did but since he can't even walk I realize this is a long shot. I will feel much better about dropping him off on Tuesday, along with his angel costume for the Christmas pageant, and will hope for another good day!

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Nighttime Snuggles

Evans has never lacked in the department of stuffed animals or bed time snuggle buddies. His crib is filled with a stuffed frog, a monkey, an orange dog and a white lamb. One of which is actually featured in this picture of E while we were in the hospital after he was born. I always make sure to have a couple animals in the crib with him at night when he goes to sleep just in case he wants to take a liking to one of them in particular. We have winnie the pooh luvies, lamb luvies, giraffe luvies and a rabbit luvie. On top of the furry friends we have four blankets. Cotton blankets, cashmere blankets and satin blankets. And binkeys. OH we have binkeys GALORE. Now, one would think, given all these obscenely nice choices, that Evans would have taken to one of these. However, when we go to bed at night, there are three things that we must have.

1. A binkey in his mouth.

2. A binkey in his hand.

3. And this in his other hand.Hmmm, are you thinking that this doesn't look like a very comfortable item to sleep with? That is because it is a plastic rock. That's right. A plastic boulder that came with his Thomas the Train "Rock Quarry" set. I'm sure it was a $75 train set and with as much as he loves this rock, I guess it was worth it? Here is my problem. He also wants to play with it during the day. Rocks, especially ones that are round, roll. They roll under couches, under beds, under cribs, under tables and basically anything that sits more than three inches off the floor. And we only have one. One two inch rock and over 4,500 square feet of house. Let's be honest, the odds are not in my favor. I see disaster in my near future. So, for now, I try to encourage that the rock be left in the crib every morning. Just so it can offer its warm comfort every night.

In other news, tomorrow is a school day. Grrrrreat. Everything is ready to go and tomorrow I am feeling positive will be a better day. At least it will be a great outfit. It is December after all and we can move on to our Christmas longalls! (Evans chose them)

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Good Feedback

I would first off like the thank everyone for all the positive feed back that I've gotten regarding Evans and his less than enthusiastic approach to preschool. I love reading from all my new commenters so I hope that y'all will keep it up. Seriously, it makes my day. And what a day it was. I spent all day with my aunt's sick infant only to be told (after I forced her to go to the doctor) that there was nothing wrong with him. I'm thrilled to hear this news but Jack.........would you like to explain to me what all the screaming going on this morning was? Did ya just decide that you hated me or something? When my aunt got home from the doctor's appointment Evans and I bolted because Evans desperately needed a nap before Buddy's birthday dinner in a fancy restaurant. Already there are so many red flags that should be going up to all mothers. (desperately needing a nap and fancy restaurant were the buzz words if you didn't catch them). Evans did sleep for about 45 minutes so Susie and I dolled him up in his fanciest longall and tossed him the car. One of the jobs that Susie was in charge of was putting on Evans shoes. She slapped those things on and tied up quickly and we were on our way. About 5 minutes into the drive I glanced over and something seemed a bit off. Way off. Like left and right shoe wrong.Umm-hmmmm, yes. These shoes are definitely on the wrong feet. No wonder this kid can't walk! I always let Susie put the shoes on and now I have no idea how many times before this has happened. Ha ha. I'm sure none but Lord we got a good laugh at it when I noticed it. Didn't seem to bother Evans.

We got to the restaurant, had a drink, chatted, feed Evans a meatball, watched Evans drive his dump truck over the meatball and then up the sleeve of Aunt Mimi. We ordered food and wine and this is really I think when things started to go downhill. As the waiter was pouring Mommy's glass of red wine Evans got a little over excited and crashed his dump truck into it, spilling wine all over the table. Blood pressure and anxiety begin a slow rise. In all fairness, I do think that he just got excited and that he didn't mean to knock it over. When I looked so shocked and turned to scold him he leaned forward and kissed me on the lips. I honestly think it scared him just as much. Mess was cleaned crisis averted. Entrees are brought out to the table and as I was about to dig into my Pasti Rigati Arrabiatta pasta the one and only dump truck whizzed past my face at the speed of light and onto the floor. This was just the beginning of the nuclear meltdown that ensued. He was obviously angry about something, who knows what but I resigned myself to eating out of a doggie bag that night. I took Evans to the car past people staring at the screaming child who will likely get a beating in the car! :) Oh my gosh, he can scream so loud. And only in situations that require immediate evacuation plans! There was no dawdling, it was cold outside and thankfully I managed to snag my coat and mom's car keys.

In the chilly car we watch a few videos of Dinosaur Train until I decided I should probably take this time out oppertunity and run over to Publix to pick Evans up some milk. As I was about to pull out my sister came running to the car and said she would come. Off to the grocery. I went in for milk and came out with FOUR bottles of wine as well. Impulse shopping? Oh well, nice wine never hurts! I should have unscrewed a bottle right then and there. We headed back to the restaurant just in time to pick up the childless diners and my doggie bag. Evans and I are going to have to come to an agreement on these temper issues. Basically the deal will ask that he stop all ridiculous behavior that his mother does not deem appropriate. Seems fair?

It was a fun night to celebrate Buddy's birthday! Evans made it up to everyone when we got home by crawling around like a maniac and kissing and hugging on whomever he stopped in front of. Mainly mama! Rage report tomorrow and stay tuned to find our Evans' favorite bed time comfort item. It's just so soft and snuggly, you will probably want to buy one for every child you know!

Tuesday, November 29, 2011


I have to admit, Evans looked pretty darn fabulous for school this morning. His choice of longall was stunning and I must say that he has fantastic taste in children's clothing. I let him pick out his clothes completely by himself. At the very least, he looked good. Apparently he did not act quite as good as he looked at school today. We avoided any major meltdowns this morning at drop off but I did dash out the door rather quickly and I could have missed it. I chose to picture him playing happily with other children when I left and not of him crying for me. However, when a teacher carried him out to the car this afternoon at pick-up I immediately saw that his "emergency binky" was clipped to his outfit. Oh hell. I'm pretty sure I even said it out loud in the car to myself. Here was the report from the teacher (keep in mind, his actual teacher doesn't bring him to the car so it is a message relayed from the real teacher). "Evans had a tough day and he cried a lot of the time". Oh boy. What do you even say to that?

"Sorry my child was such a pain in the butt today"?
"Why was he crying, did you beat him"?
"Can you tell me the exact nature as to why he was crying"?

But my mind blanked and I happily said "see you on Friday"! I know that kids cry all the time when dropped off at school but it is semi concerning to me that my son would cry ENOUGH that his teacher couriered the message out to me in the car. I'm even more concerned that if this continues then his teachers will grow to hate Tuesdays and Fridays when that whiny Evans Deaner comes to school. Oh my gosh, I bet they don't like him already! Can children get expelled from preschool? What if they suggest nicely that he not come back to school anymore? On the exact day that I wrote the tuition check! It's a really good thing that I already sent in the money for the Tiffany necklace teacher Christmas gifts! Evans might have to send in a Tiffany necklace of his own if he keeps this up. And I'm not loaning him the money either! :)

My poor baby. This whole school thing is stressful. I mean, I am really trying to be funny about it and truthfully I haven't lost (much) sleep over it at night but I will be nervous for his Friday report. We can't have three bad days in a row. He took a three hour nap. I guess all that crying at preschool wore him out. He did look really cute this morning and he matched Buddy's tie!In other news, I spent an embarrassing amount of time today debating which Vera Bradley pattern I wanted to pick for my new weekend luggage. The pattern that I have now I have had since high school and it is getting pretty battered. VB is horrible luggage to fly with because it gets dirty fast and the way they throw your bags around in the airport, it tears easily. So I really only use mine if I'm going on a road trip. I am getting a new large duffel bag and the Miller bag which is a GREAT carry on for long flights with children. One might have thought that I was actually fretting over a serious life changing decision. I think my blood pressure was a bit elevated. Finally, I made the decision, announced it to my mom and sister and felt immediately relieved. Then I scrolled down an inch to "add to cart" only to see the words written in red "out of stock online". Are you kidding me? Most normal people would have then been able to say to themselves, "oh well, at least I liked the other one just as much". Not me. I INSTANTLY wanted the one that was sold out. Bad. Deep breaths. Think about it Gleatie. We are talking about a bag here. Let it go. Yes, the other pattern will be just fine, thank you. Until tomorrow.........

Monday, November 28, 2011

Temper Temper

I don't want to call my son out or anything but he has developed quite the temper as of late. He spent the weekend before last with his dad so I attributed much of it to not being on a regular schedule and hardly sleeping. We are past the point of blaming it on that now. The thing is, the funniest things make him angry. I mean I wouldn't want him to act like that in public but I've found myself chuckling several times in the past few weeks. As it turns out, we really don't need to own 3/4ths of the toys that we do. Evans is perfectly happy to roll a 2 liter bottle of diet coke around the house for hours. Until he encounters his arch nemesis, otherwise known as the threshold. I don't know what is wrong with him but if he can't roll whatever it is he is playing with over the threshold the first time, all hell breaks loose. He. cannot. handle. it. Rage ensues. I'd be lying to say that it is not mildly concerning. I have chosen the above picture because it illustrates how some of the thresholds are in my parent's house. You can't really tell by his face in this picture but he was ticked. Here are a couple of pictures that better show the emotions he was experiencing.It was at this point that I made the executive decision that his night had concluded. Time for bed. We are going to have to work on this little problem that has developed. So, I know I can't leave these pictures without commenting on Evans' mouth ornament. In true canine fashion, he doesn't go many places anymore without carrying something in his mouth. This just happens to be the top of a sippy cup. I don't know where he got it because he has certainly not ever used a cup like this. I wonder if he realizes that there is not actually a cup attached to the lid. Every time the lid fell out of his mouth he would stop whatever he was doing to pick it up and put it back in his mouth. Too funny.

Tomorrow is a school day! Woo-hoo!! Hopefully no physical ailments will plague us during the night. I need a well rested, well fed and well groomed child tomorrow who can come home with a better report from his teacher than "tired and cranky". The tuition check is in his backpack and I do not pay for reports like that. Let's be honest, I'd rather be lied to. :) Stay tuned for a full report.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Is this a joke?

I haven't ever claimed to be a very fashion forward kind of gal. I know I know, this comes as a surprise to most of you since I am normally so fashionably dressed. And I own Tory Burch shoes and all. When I was cruising around on Facebook yesterday and this picture was posted under a boutique that I "like", I had to do a double take. The caption reads "Is this not the cutest holiday outfit you have ever seen"?? I have so many things to say about this that I hardly know where to start. Maybe I should make a list and someone can help me understand it a little bit better.

1. What about this outfit makes it a holiday outfit? It appears to be devoid of any color at all that might lend itself to holiday cheer.

2. The bottom half of this outfit are shorts. The only holiday I might wear shorts for is none. This is because I do not wear shorts. But if I did, I would probably choose to wear them between the months of May and September. This IS Atlanta but it does get a bit chilly sometimes and I'd rather not show off the color of my legs in December.

3. I might have bought into the fad of shorts being popular in the winter IF they had been paired with something that remotely appeared to match the top. They could have made me believe without much effort that these shorts would be cute.....with another top. OR that this top would be cute......with something else on the bottom. I feel like if I stare at this outfit with my eyes slightly out of focus, for ten seconds, some sort of holographic creature will suddenly appear for me.

4. I sort of lost steam somewhere between points 2 and 3 so I'll call it quits on that subject. Give me a couple years, 15 more pounds lost and a tanning bed and I'll probably come around. For now, I don't think you will catch me wearing this anytime in the near future.

I don't have else much to report. Deaner has been in town since Friday night and he has had Evans with him so not too many funny stories to report. The Thanksgiving Day Feast went okay. By okay, I mean that when Evans' teacher brought him out to the car she reported that he was very tired and a little on the cranky side. I'd say that is not a glowing report from preschool. Oh well. You win some you lose some and now he has a week to recuperate! My brother flies into town this afternoon and we are all heading to the lake house tomorrow for Thanksgiving. Something about this year doesn't really feel like the holidays are starting but I am going to try and be more upbeat from here on out. Let's see how that works out for me!

Thanksgiving Day Feast

Tomorrow, at 8:30am, I am dropping Evans off at school. His back pack is ready, his outfit is laid out and his shoes are by the back door. Come hell or high water he will be attending his Thanksgiving Day Feast. I cannot have his attendance record move to 1 for 4. Plus, I have to send in this fruit platter, a tuition check, a check for teacher's gifts, kleenex and wipes. I just have a couple things to say about this fruit platter. Can anyone tell me when fruit became so outrageously priced? I bought already sliced cantaloupe, pineapple, watermelon and grapes. This came in the form of 3 plastic containers and one plastic bag. It was $47.58.....I almost had a heart attack. But what could I do since I had to produce a sliced fruit platter in less than 12 hours. It is a good thing that Evans does not like fresh fruit (well, he likes to chew it up, get the juice out of it and then spit out the remains) but after this, I'm not likely to buy it for him! I kept telling myself while in the store that I was paying for the convenience of having someone else cut it for me. I was actually okay with this because I didn't want to do anything less than stand at a counter and cut up fruit. When I got home and started to move it to a serving platter, it became glaringly clear that the pieces were way to big for children to eat. Last thing I want to do is choke a child with my donation to lunch. So I stood at the counter and I cut up the fruit........again. You better believe Evans' calling card is taped to the top so he gets credit. He may have a poor attendance record but his mother does not skimp on fruit.

Tonight I heard Fido bumping around in the other room as we were finishing up dinner. There isn't a ton that he can get into at my parents house so I wasn't very concerned. When I glanced into the next room here is what I saw.The giant wet spot on his shirt? I heard him laughing out loud while eating his dinner in his highchair. I thought he was laughing at the second most awful show on earth, The Wild Kratts. Instead he was filling his mouth up with apple juice from his sippy cup and letting it dribble down his chin. I don't think he was swallowing any of it. No big deal. The tupperware container he is carrying around in his mouth? This is a pretty normal occurrence since he can get into the tupperware cabinet AND he thinks he is a dog. Only he got this one out of the dishwasher. Before the dishes were washed.

My alarm clock is set for EARLY tomorrow morning. Plenty of time to get up, shower, dress, wake up my child, dress him, feed him, load all his accoutrements and checks into the car and be dropped off at school on time. Going to school is exhausting. Thank goodness next week is Thanksgiving Break!

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Blurry blurry nights

Weird things happen to me. I have sort of come to expect it and I find myself laughing at myself more and more often instead of becoming highly irritated like I used to be inclined to do. So, as I was driving home last night at dusk in a driving rain storm, I really should have expected what happened to me. Last time it rained in Atlanta it was very clear that I needed new windshield wipers and I needed them immediately. In a somewhat rare fashion, I actually went and bought new ones and had my dad put them on my car. Normally it would have taken at least a few more rain storms and perhaps a fender bender to have spurred this action but I guess I’m trying to be a little more responsible these days. As I was driving along down Wieuca Road my mind started wandering to my new windshield wipers and how great they were. I was questioning in my head if I had ever actually installed (I know it should hardly be referred to as an installation) wipers on my own car before or if I had always had someone else do it for me. Since I could not remember how a wiper would actually be put on a car, I concluded that I had, in fact, never put one on myself. Oh well, who cares? Why does it matter if I don’t know how to put a wiper blade on my car? I’ll never need to know how to do that. Or maybe I will.

At the exact second that I came to grips with this lack of knowledge/skill the windshield wiper flew off my windshield. Of course it did. In fact, it seems only appropriate that this is what would happen. It just about sums up the way things have been going for me lately. Only the wiper didn’t entirely fly off my car, rather, it was dangling by a wire that caused it to scrap and screech across my windshield making a highly unpleasant sound and creating the realization that I was not going to be able to continue home until something was done about this.

Did I mention it was pouring rain? I managed to make it to my brother’s old orthodontist’s office parking lot and accepted the fact that I was not going to come out of the situation dry. I have to admit that as soon as this happened I found it pretty comical. I mean, who does this kind of stuff happen to besides me? I couldn’t make it up if I tried. The only part that slightly irritated me was that I could not figure out how to reattach the wiper and there were about 8 men watching me out of their office windows. I didn’t expect anyone to come out and help me and get wet themselves but at least don’t get out of your desk chair and gawk. To make matters worse, I cannot actually reach the wipers on my Jeep. I have to stand on the inside of the car door and hover over the windshield. And I had to keep switching sides so I could examine the wiper that was attached correctly. Sigh.

I feel pretty confident now that I could have easily installed the wiper, had I had the little cardboard piece that came inside the wiper box that showed picture by picture instructions. In the dark, in the rain, not as easy. I managed to rig it on there somehow although it is clearly not right as the wiper will not sit flush against my windshield. I was nervous the rest of the way home that this would happen again so I only “wiped” when I really really could not see anymore. Thankfully I wasn’t far from home. I’m hoping that my dad will take a look at them tonight. Or maybe I should just get on the internet myself and figure out once and for all that I DO know how to put wiper blades on a car. At the very least it will put that doubt to rest and I’ll know in the future.

Evans is still feeling out of sorts. For a child that never whines and it not clingy to me at all he sure has the ability to turn it on quickly. When I went to bed last night my back was aching from toting him around all day on my hip. We picked right back up this morning where we left off last night. I’m hoping the mystery illness and fever break soon because I want my good baby back! And this has nothing to do with him being sick but I would just like to inform Evans that socks are not free, they do not grow on trees and that I am a LITTLE annoyed that he feels the need to take them off constantly and leave them everywhere and anywhere. I found 11 socks behind his crib yesterday so there is no telling how many are no longer with us. Happy Hump Day.

*The picture above is from this past weekend. I just don't like posting without a picture. Yes, that is oreo on Evans' nose and yes, those are his real teeth.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

School days, school days! Oh wait....

After Evans’ first day of school last week we were pretty disappointed to find out that Friday was a teacher workday so there was no school. We eagerly anticipated Tuesday’s arrival so that we could actually have our two full days at school. Evans had a cold all last week, which he has never had before, but it really didn’t slow down his dog like crawling and barking and I didn’t think much of it. I just had to wipe his nose a lot. Then came the cough. You know, the kind that is likely to drive you insane and everyone else around you too? Well Evans’ wasn’t that bad and was really almost non-existent during the day but he managed to get going good enough each night to throw up all over his bed. This never happened in the evening hours before I went to bed nor in the early hours in which I awake. Vomiting is apparently an art that is best saved for the hours of 3:00am-4:30am. When I am truly at my best functioning level for stripping down my child, his crib (including the really easy to wash bumper), blankets, etc. You name it, we’ve barfed on it. The whole time I was thinking “we better feel better by Tuesday so we can go to school". The barfing stopped late last week and I just knew we were on the mend. Then Evans practically slept all weekend. Definitely a treat but I knew this was a sign that he didn’t feel 100%. Yesterday he kept feeling warm to me and by the time he got up from his nap he felt downright hot. The whiny-ness was at a new level that I have never experienced before. He was feeling much better by last night and I was crossing my fingers (I mean, how serious can the school be about being fever free for 24 WHOLE HOURS?). Just in case, I packed a lunch and had his backpack ready. At 7:30 this morning I crept downstairs to wake up my precious little boy who I just knew was going to jump up and down and request to go to school (in the form of some dog barking of course). It was a no go from the second I saw him. Poor thing was flushed with the glassy eyes etc. Our new thermometer (did know those things cost $50?) informed me that he had a 101.7 temperature (in case I did not know how to read numbers, it also flashes red). Do y’all think the school would have noticed if I brought him anyways? ☺ So we are 1 for 3 on this school deal.

In the meantime, I have received the enrollment fee bill, the tuition bill, an art supply bill (wth?), and a promise for the next tuition bill come December 1st. I’ve been asked to send in a platter of sliced fruit for the Thanksgiving feast on Friday and I have been informed by the room mother that I need to send her a check for the teacher’s Christmas gift’s from the class. Oh, did I forget to mention what they were? Since Evans is in the “Butterflies” class, the kids are giving the TWO teachers each a butterfly necklace from Tiffany. That’s Tiffany, the one with the blue/green boxes. The same place where I think I only own two necklaces from myself.

ALL of this being said, I really am happy to write the checks and send in the food and pitch in for the teacher’s gifts. I might not be as thrilled with the art supply fee but what are you going to do? I’m pretty sure that Evans will love school, if we ever get the chance to go again, so it will be completely worth it. Perhaps I'll even get some exquisite art pieces out of the deal. Now we just need to concentrate on getting better by Friday. We already have our outfit picked out a little bit early. It’s our last shot, because you know, school is closed all next week for the Thanksgiving holidays!

Monday, November 14, 2011

Thanks for that....

Is there anything in the world that I hate more than getting the oil changed in my car? I’m pretty sure that there is not. I mean, perhaps it is preferable to having the flu but sometimes I’m not sure. My perform service light has been on the past couple of weeks and getting the oil changed has been on my list of things to do. While I was driving on Friday I kept hearing a funny noise in my car. I would turn my radio off and listen closely but then it would stop. I finally deduced that the noise was only occurring when I was moving but that it would stop when I was stopped at a light or stop sign. I resolved then that I would get my car serviced on Saturday morning. The whole way home I was praying that this noise wasn’t going to be something that would cost me an arm and a leg. And then the leaf that was stuck in my windshield wiper blew out from where it was stuck and the noise went away. Problem solved. Unfortunately I still needed the oil changed.

I got up on Saturday morning and went to the Express Oil Change by my parent’s house for a $29.99 oil change and fluid check. I left $229 lighter in the wallet. How is it that by tapping some fluid on a white piece of paper, these people manage to scare the crap out of me? Honestly, it could just be colored water they are tapping and claiming came out of my car. How would I know? It’s something about making me feel like if I don’t do what they suggest, my car will spontaneously combust the second I drive it off their property. I suppose that this is what they hope to achieve and it seems to work. This sort of thing never happened to me when I had an Acura and had it serviced at the actual dealership. Sigh. I could have had a new pair of Tory Burch shoes for the cost of my transmission flush and coolant something or other so thanks for taking that money off my hands.

In other news, Evans still thinks that he is a dog. We went to the park last week with our friends and Evans carried a large stick around in his mouth. He also ate a handful of dirt but I’m pretty sure not even real dogs do that. He barks, he does really big yawns with his tongue stuck out and crawls with his head swinging from side to side. At this point, I believe that he is choosing not to walk because he would rather run around on all fours. I guess there could be worse things in life than having a canine son. Happy Monday….

Thursday, November 10, 2011

A Special Shout-Out to the ATL

I. Hate. The. City. of. Atlanta. And not just because I did something stupid like park facing the wrong way on a residential street with zero traffic. I understand the extremely dangerous situation that I was creating by doing this and profoundly regret my reckless disregard for the law. In a city where murder, armed robbery and assault happen on, say, a minutely basis, I really feel guilty for being such a menace to society and not doing my part to make this a safer place to live. I'd like to personally thank Officer Small (I'm not lying) for not only showing me the error of my ways but for really taking the time to explain what I had done wrong. You went above and beyond the call of duty by not only marking the Improper Parking box but also including a "Violation Description" as well as some personally added thoughts about the situation my car was creating.I'm not denying my wrongdoing (though truth be told I do this all the time on residential streets and I'm not sure I knew it was illegal) but I have a massive problem with the way that my blood pressure just spiked while trying to "give away" my hard earned money (I was babysitting) to an incompetent government. It is simply inexcusable that it took me 34 minutes to give away $25. In THREE separate phone calls.

I'm assuming that the front of this parking ticket pretty clearly shows that it was issued by the City of Atlanta Municipal Court. In the shot below I'd like to illustrate how the City of Atlanta leads one to believe that paying parkings tickets is as easy as one two three.Those who get these parking rewards appear to have the option of paying by phone, by mail or on the internet. How convenient! The City politely requests that those rewarded pay with in 14 days. I grudging signed onto the website about day 6 and was told that my ticket had not been entered into the system. Same as on days 8, 10, 13 and 16. How am I supposed to pay a ticket that is not entered in the system. Ohhhhh, you expect me to CALL you and beg to pay for it.

My 3 Phone Calls in Summary:

Call #1: Placed call, waited through 8 minutes of phone prompts before I was disconnected.

Call #2: Placed call, waited through 13 minutes of phone prompts before finally being transferred to customer service (I use this term very loosely). Lady answers the phone.....

Lady: "Hella"
Me: "Hi, I'm trying to pay for a parking ticket I got weeks ago but has never been entered into your system for some reason" (because you are stupid).
Lady: "Citation number please"
I give it to her
Lady: "That ticket is not in the system"
Me: "I am very aware of that"
Lady: "Look at the top of your parking ticket. Does is say City of Atlanta Municipal Court"?
Me: "Yes"
Lady: "Does it tell you to call 404-XXX-XXXX"?
Me: "YES"!
Lady: "That's not the right number".
Me: "You have got to be kidding me"


Thanks for that. Personally I think I'm the one that should be shouting at you.

Phone Call #3: Place call. Enter another laboriously long stream of phone prompts. Enter citation, what do you know, it was in the system. Do you want to pay for your ticket? Yes. Enter credit card number, expiration date, security code, hair color, eye color, weight and mother's name. Was asked if I want to accept this charge on my credit card or decline it. Seriously? Accept. Thank you for paying your parking fine with the City of Atlanta. You have been charged $27.50 to your Visa card. This includes a $2.50 CONVENIENCE FEE for paying over the phone. Goodbye.

I will never get those 34 minutes of my life back but I am thinking of suing the City for the overages that will most likely be on my cell phone bill this month. Where is the cork screw?

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Happy First Day of School

I'd be lying if I didn't admit that by last night I was starting to get really nervous about dropping Evans off at school this morning. I don't think I slept AT ALL last night but that may or may not have had to do with Evans. I packed his back pack and lunch last night so that we would be ready to go first thing. I did have a slight tiff with LL Bean but that is all sorted out now. I ordered this back pack for E and I have never had an issue with the quality of anything I have ordered from there. This monogram was the shoddiest I have ever actually paid money for. You can't really tell in the photo but the letters are uneven and the stitching was already picked. I don't think so. There is already a new one on the way and I told them I wasn't returning this one until I had the new one in my hands. We have to go to school after all! I have to admit that I almost fell over dead from shock when I dialed the customer service number and A HUMAN ANSWERED. That is enough customer service to warrant returning time and time again. Even if their monograms are awful.

I had to wake Evans up this morning at 7:15 because he is the slowest eater on the planet and I was worried he wouldn't have time to finish his breakfast if I didn't give him plenty of time. Of course I was right and depending on how hungry he is at school maybe next time he will eat a little bit faster. We had to take some first day of school pictures (which all turned out really terrible because I look old and haggard and Evans wouldn't look at the camera) and then we were out the door.I don't know why I look like such a hunchback in the above picture but I need to work on that apparently.School starts at 8:30am and I was worried about the traffic AND knew I was going to walk Evans in for his first day so we left the house at 7:56am. And got to school at 8:10. A bit on the early side considering the school was dark and the parking lot was empty. I didn't look too eager did I? When school did "open" the director met us at our classroom and introduced E to his teachers. I was very nervous at this point that Evans was going to start wailing because he was going to realize I was leaving him. I mean, he depends on me, right? I'm pretty much the most important person in his life, right? When his teacher took him out of my arms that kid never even turned around and looked at me again. Not a glance back, not a wave, nothing. So I snuck out the door happy that there was no scene. After that I got an email from the director telling me that Evans was having a great time AND the room mother emailed me to tell me that her twins were playing with Evans when she left them this morning.

Carpool went smoothly this afternoon and the teacher putting E in the car reported that he had a great day! He didn't even seem all that excited to be coming home with me. He was asleep before I even put him in his crib and I'm hoping for a long nap. I know he would really be looking forward to Friday (as would I) except I just found out that it is a teacher work day. WTH? Didn't I pay for that day of school? Oh wow, I'm turning into my parents......